Unsatisfied

10. I'm easy as gin // I'm as gentle as sleep // But I'm not satisfied
(Deborah Conway – ‘I’m Not Satisfied’)

Saturday night and she’s back on the clock, working in the bar, being Last Call’s resident outstanding waitress. She doesn’t skip a table, mess up an order, spill a single drink. The bartenders are glad to have her around, she keeps her tabs organized and collects on them discretely and her empties never clutter their workspace. All the other servers are thrilled to let her sort out problems as they arise, figure the tips, juggle the schedules. It’s as if Pippa Kerr has never left. That two, almost three, month gap where she’d not worked a single shift couldn’t have been real. It feels just like old times.

Almost.

The music is different. The band isn’t as good. They aren’t bad by any means and the customers seem to enjoy them a great deal but the red haired woman with a tray in her hand can’t keep herself from looking at the stage and seeing someone else up there. Breaker Street is gone; Rory Stone’s warm and melodic baritone isn’t going to wrap itself around her as she makes her way between tables. The set list full of familiar tunes won’t be there to flood her mind with memories, good or bad. She isn’t going to return the flirtatious smiles and winks of the lead singer when he manages to catch her eye.

Unsettling.

For nearly two years now, she had a routine in this place. Wednesdays and Saturdays have been the touchstones of her life. Her security and stability. The crowd used to be made up of (mostly) familiar faces, the staff had been friends not just coworkers and the music—the music had been outstanding. The band had been good, too good as they finally managed to prove, and now they’d moved on to bigger and better things. With them went a lot of the regulars, their weekly habits changing during the ups and downs of trying to replace what had been the hallmark good time at Last Call.

Change.

As she closes up later, once all the patrons have gone and the band—what is their name again—has been paid, Pippa finds herself wondering how much more it’s going to change and whether or not she can change with it. Then it occurs to her as she’s walking to her car, alert and aware of Mike Owens standing in the doorway watching her, that she’s the one who has been changed. It’s still a bar, the music is still live and the drinks are still strong. The customers are happy to pay and the waitresses pleased to serve. She’s the one who is no longer the same.

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2. QUESTION -

What makes someone sexually attractive to you?

Oh, that’s really not as complicated a thing as most people probably assume. Wisdom and intelligence are what attracts me to someone of the opposite sex. There’s just something about a man with wise eyes. Someone knowing and experienced in the ways of the world, life, maybe even a skill set I want to possess. I want someone who can teach me, impart some of his learned experience and share something beyond physical contact.

The above really does sum up my relationships to date, how they all began and what sustained them for the duration. It certainly holds true for the man I share my life with now. He has amazing eyes, unlike any other, and I can get lost in them so very easily. Large and dark, so full of love and kindness, patience and understanding—compassionate. And there’s intelligence there, sharp and bright. He thinks outside the box, so to speak. All that he’s seen and experienced, the very unique perspective he brings to the table…when I look into his eyes I see magic.

I see him and there is nothing more attractive than that.

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