sandandwater

I'm sorry if I'm behind on emails or have seemingly blown off or overlooked appointments and plans with anyone. I've been...under the weather lately. Attempting to catch up on email now, but it's slow going. Between trying to use the computer from bed (with Mr. Beaker trying to 'help') and simply not feeling up to par, well--this may take me a while.

Bobby, I apologize for having to postpone our lunch date with the puppies. We will get together with you and Bette, I just can't set a date right now. I'm sorry.

Aryn, belatedly: Happy Birthday. I hope your day was wonderful and that your Remy spoiled you rotten. I think I owe you a lunch somewhere down the line as well.

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Four weeks and two days ago. I keep thinking about time in these weird increments like that. It was four weeks and two days ago that he caught me with my guard down outside of work.

Three weeks and six days since...I can't even type the words. I can't say them either. I can barely look at what he did to me without wanting to scream again.

Three weeks and two days since they, since Ro, saved me.

Saved my life.

I realize that now. I'm finally, finally coherent enough (long enough) to start putting the pieces together. I've mostly stopped taking the narcotic painkillers Abby prescribed for me. That helps, being able to stay awake and clear-headed. I'm still taking the sleeping pills at night though. After the first time I woke up screaming and scared the hell out of Ro (and probably everyone else here at Cait's), Abby insisted. And I can't argue that, really. I can't begrudge any of them a good night's rest or deny that I need it myself.

Three weeks exactly that I've been with it enough to actually track time.

Two weeks and five days since I've been self-sufficient enough to not need someone by my side constantly.

Sixteen days that I've been wishing I were at home instead of at Rory's sister's apartment.

Ten days since I've been getting up out of bed and roaming the place.

Three days that I've felt restless.

Two hours since I've last cried.

And there hasn't been a single moment since that Monday night that I have felt safe.

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