(no subject)

[sandandwater]

Leave a comment and I will:
a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something - a song, a color, a photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
g) in return, you must post this on your own lj.

Comments

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

It's not so much knowing that someone wants you to be part of their family, but knowing that you want them to be part of yours. People you think of as family. What they think.

I think. I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't want anyone to be part of my family, they aren't nice people.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

Not your biological one. The one you choose for yourself.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I must seem incredibly dense, I know, but I simply haven't the faintest idea of where to even begin with that. I'm dating my best friend and I can't just insert myself into his family even if I don't know of any others like them.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

You don't have to insert yourself into someone else's family. It's like... when you think of someone being like a sister to you or like a mother, or like a father. You're not inserting yourself into their family, you're inserting them into yours. Even if you never tell them that's how you think of them, you know it. Sometimes, that's enough.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

Except that I don't know what it's like to have siblings, I have no idea how a sister or brother should feel and I certainly don't know what maternal and paternal relationships should be.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, it's what you wanted them to be.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

Compassionate?

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

It's not the same for everyone. I wanted them to love me for who I was, not who they wanted me to be.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry they couldn't do that.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

And I'm sorry yours couldn't be compassionate.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I survived, I suppose that's what matters.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

We both did. And you're right, that is what matters.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to think survival is overrated, to be honest. At least some days it feels that way.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

The alternative means letting them have control over my life again. And there's no way in hell I'd let that happen twice.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I was thinking dead might be better.

I won't ever willingly let anyone control my life ever again.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

I'm too happy to wish for that.

Definitely agree on that one.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

Again, I envy you.

I'm glad.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

*frowns* You're not happy with Rory?

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

He's a wonderful man but there is no way he is going to want to stay with me. I'm a mess and he deserves better. Besides, can you really see someone who is on the brink of their big break wanting to waste their time trying to fix a so obviously broken person when there are so many other people out there who would be happy for a chance to be with him? Better people? I don't want him to feel obligated to me, I'm the one who owes him...not the other way around.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're giving yourself, or him, enough credit. I know I've only met him once, but I saw the two of you at my party. I doubt he's with you out of obligation. Or sees it as wasting time.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

A lot has happened since then.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

I... don't understand.

Re: [locked]

[sand-andwater.livejournal.com]

I wish I could tell you everything, I really do. I wish I could tell someone. I can't.

Re: [locked]

[bookish-blonde.livejournal.com]

Maybe talking to someone would help.